Journal Entry of a Dehydrated Girlie

I let a metaphor take my hand and drag me everywhere

Hello my lovelies,

My brain has been a dessert and I keep digging trying to find some water. It aches all over and there’s sand dusting at the crevices of my skin, it’s coarse and rough and irritating, it gets everywhere. 

Creative burnout is a monster that can dry you up. I’ve had all the ideas and none of the energy to flesh them out. It’s like trying to make sandcastles in the middle of a dessert with no water at high noon, plenty of one thing, in desperate need of another. 

I am in such a deep thirst that I don’t even notice the first few drops of rain until it starts pouring.

There is something healing when you finally get the water, that first sip of coolness tasting better than anything else you’ve ever had. A moment of pure joy and bliss, you dance and bask, you lose track of time. My rainfall came in the form of my friends’ newsletters, poems and otherwise scrumptious words. Their beautiful prose and vulnerabilities delivered straight into my inbox. An inspiration to want again.

I think that was what I was missing, the feeling of wanting to write again. The feeling of wanting to share. The summer months and this dessert heat always bring out the tired old crone in me. I go out and socialize but by the end of every night I feel a bone deep exhaustion rattling inside. Sleep cannot tame it, and the only cure is isolation that I've convinced myself is a curse. 

The magic I've been missing can only be active when all conditions are optimal. This applies to a lot of things in life. If one part is missing, if one ingredient is rotten, your little spell will fail. In worse scenarios, you might even hurt yourself or others by casting it.

The bitter medicine I am trying to imbibe are spoonfuls of quiet restorative isolation. I do my morning pages, I play little songs on my ukulele, I read bell hooks. I know it doesn’t sound bitter, but when you have been doped up with sugary sweet escapism via doom scrolling everything that follows tastes a little off. It takes a while for the freshness to be recognizable again, it takes a while to remember why it is good for you.

Fun little links of things that restore my well of creativity:

1. All About Love by Bell Hooks, a book about love that challenges the love we were taught under the lens of the patriarchy. I have not read a book that has made me feel both so understood and also so called out. This brilliant woman makes me want to talk about love in the ways she’s defined it.

2. The PPop girl group BINI. The talent that these girls have and the fact that you can tell they work so hard is inspiring. It literally gives me joy that I’m Filipino and I can relate to them. My current favorite song of theirs is Karera which talks about life not being a race and how you can take it slow, keep it at your own pace.

3. SPIT Manila, an improv group in the Philippines who inspire me to tap into that well of Filipino humor and use it in the improv classes I take here in Bahrain. I also love how they aren’t afraid to go political when they get the chance.

I am currently in recovery, hopeful that by the end of it my wells fill up again and words flow out with ease. I do not like being thirsty. I abhor the feeling of dryness, but sometimes life happens and I get distracted. Sometimes I don’t know I’m dehydrated until the dryness cracks my lips. Thankfully, I have friends who remind me to go drink my goddamn water.

Wishing you a very hydrated week.

Dhan xx